Checking in

Ive been in quarantine for almost two months. Because of this corona thingy almost everyone is staying at home and avoiding direct physical contact. Not gonna lie that staying at home all the time is driving me crazy. A lot of things come to my mind. I begin to think (overthink actually) almost everything. In this very time of uncertainty, everything feels so hard.

The thoughts i used to had, the thoughts i thought have gone, begin to creep into my mind again. I am feeling a lot of things. Sadness, worry, pessimism. All those negative feelings. I started to be afraid of feeling happy because idk lately i feel like whenever i get too happy and content, the next day i know something bad happens. I once read somewhere that-i think it was a meme or something idk- it went by “Im afraid of being happy because whenever i am happy, bad things will happen” more or less. I remember i thought it was wrong when i read it for the first time. Because back then i believed that if you feel like being happy then just be happy, you dont have to think whats coming afterwards. I used to believe that we shouldnt limit our happiness just because we worry about the future. Good old times. I had a really simple mind back then. I didnt complicate things. I lived for that moment.

Now, it’s changed. Guess i turned for the worse. I dont live in the moment anymore. I worry a lot about my future. Back then when i was sad id never blame myself for being too happy before. Now, i am actually afraid of just smiling. Im afraid God will think im happy if i smile and will send some big waves to crush me again. And by big waves i mean some bad things that will torment me physically and emotionally. Silly me! I think i can lie to God. Geez. But anw thats what i feel. I am afraid of being happy. I dont want to be too happy. I get nervous even when im moderately happy tho. And nowadays  I question myself whenever i feel like everything goes just as smooth as i hope it be. I cant help but to second guess.

But seriously tho, do we live just to worry? Do we live just to feel tormented by our own thoughts? Is living supposed to be this hard? They said one needs to free one’s mind to actually see life better. What should i free my mind from? From bad thoughts? Trust me, i want to do it more than i can describe it but what can i do? Its not easy. And to say that its not easy is an understatement.

Grasping the meaning of living

Been sooooo long since the last time  i write here.

Im not used to writing something, but right now is 22:21 and Im thinking about something, urging me to write.

So yeah, as the title above. Grasping the meaning of living. I am not in the position to give something couraging and in fact, this post is not intended to be a post of wisdom or kind of. This post, im wiritng here right now with the purpose to lightenen whats been on my chest lately, i dont know if it will work tho but at least i will try. Im not sure where to start.

So, lately, ive been thinking about the purpose of my life, not a purpose as in the goal or something. What i mean is more like why do i have to live? Apparently ive been thinking of why God place me in this world? Cause o cant see why no matter how hard i try. Its not like my existence holds important role in changing the world or something tho. Just why do i have to live? Just why do i have to be born? Dont get me wrong, its not like im not grateful for my parents especially my mom who did a really painful work bringing me into this world. Not that. Its just that im questioning my existence. Do i even needed here? Its not like the worlds gonna come to an end if i werent around tho. Everything will be just how it usually is even if im not around right?

I am questioning my whole life. Why should i be born? Why should i live a life that i didnt ask for in the first place? Why should i feel something so painful in this life while in fact i have never once asked to be brought here? Just why? it may sound like i dont want to live but trust me thats not the case. I am just curious about it. This kind of thoughts have been and will keep on lingering in my mind until i find answers for that, sure thing i havent found it now.

I love my parents, i have nothing but love to them. I am grateful for them seriuosly. Its just that i dont understand the concept of living itself. Why would one be born out of their consent and put through a journey so bizarre that they call living? Like, were we asked if we would be or would want to experience this jourmey? Cause i dont recall i said yes to it.

Or am i just being soooooo out of it? or am i going thourgh an existemce crisis? Am i living right? Am i walking on tthe right lane? Is everything that i believe was good is indeed good? Is it enough to just live correctly? How do i live correctly tho? Whtaever, ijust want to pur my thoughts out tho.

I know no one, or at lease people that i know, will ever read this post beside me thats why iwrite here. i wont be judged.

All or Nothing - Lang Leav (Tugas 4 Softskill)

All or Nothing - Lang Leav

 

If you love me

for what you see,

only your eyes would be 

in love with me   

If you love me

for what you’ve heard,

then you would love me

for my words.

If you love

my heart and mind,

then you will love me,

for all that I’m.

But if you don’t love

my every flaw,

then you mustn’t love me-

not at all.

Translated by Google Translate

All or Nothing (Semua atau Tidak)

           

                Jika Anda mencintai saya

karena apa yang Anda lihat,

hanya mata anda yang akan

jatuh cinta kepada saya.

Jika anda mencintai saya

karena apa yang Anda dengar,

maka Anda akan mencintaiku

untuk kata-kata saya.

Jika Anda mencintai

hati dan pikiran saya,

maka anda akan mencintai saya,

untuk semua itu saya.

Tetapi jika Anda tidak mencintai

setiap kekurangan saya,

maka Anda tidak boleh mencintai saya-

sama sekali.

Self-worked Translation

All or Nothing (Semua atau Tidak Sama Sekali)            

Jika kau mencintaiku                                             

karena penampilanku,

hanya matamu yang akan

jatuh cinta padaku.

Jika kau mencintaiku

Karena apa yang mereka katakan tentang aku,

maka kau akan jatuh cinta

pada apa yang aku katakan.

Jika kau mencintai

hati dan pikiranku,

maka kau akan mencintaiku

apa adanya

Namun jika kau tidak mencintai

segala kekuranganku,

maka kau tidak boleh mencintaiku

sama sekali.

pic credit to tumblr

RahmaLuttifah
18614784
4SA01

Taking (Something) For Granted

Taking something for granted is like a hobby, something that I do over and over again. I know that I should never take something or even someone for granted, but even tho I'm fully aware of that, I still take something or someone for granted.

I just lost my cat, Upin, just 2 days before Raya day. Losing him, made me realize, once again, that I should never take something or someone for granted. I know that every living things will die someday. I know that the seems-like-limitless-time I have will eventually come to an end. I know that this beautiful life I have will sooner or later find its end. But I still take them for granted. 

So, Upin died on Tuesday, 13th June 2018. He had lost his appetite since two days before, I tried ways to made him eat. Usually, when he had no appetite I would give him the food my self, made him smell it first. But strangely, it didn't work that day. On Monday I decided to take him to the vet. I went to the vet with my brother. The vet said that Upin had crystal on his kidney. I was sad. Extremely. Because I once had a cat before, named Bobi. Bobi died 3 years prior on 2015, November 29th to be exact, because of the same diagnosis. Bobi died because he had crystal on his kidney and he was also infected by a virus. So I felt like it was my fault. Then, the vet prescribed some medicines for him. I took the medicine, paid the bill, and took him home. I, my brother, and my dad all gave him the medicine. He took it with our help. He still didn't want to eat. But he drank the prepared water. 

Tuesday morning, even thou Upin was sick, he still could climb a wall in front of my house that is quite tall. Back and forth on top of that. I thought he was getting better because of the medicine. In the afternoon that day, he got into the house and slept in our living room. In the evening, around 5 pm he moved to our kitchen and slept near our bathroom. My brother notice that he could not move his body anymore. He was really weak. After having iftar, we--I, my bro, my mom, and my dad-- all gathered around him--crying. My mom hold him close, saying things like "If you want to go, then go. We are all will be alright" yes we believed that he understand what we said. My mom claimed that Upin cried. We all cried. We took him to our living room. He was really weak. He was in the brink of death. My mom told me to give him water. I put water to the syringe and put it in his mouth slowly. He drank it. Right after he drank, he made a weak meow, twice, and he is gone at around half past 7. It was really fast. Everything happened really fast. The vet prescribed the medicine for 5 day, but he only took it twice and died. We buried him in front of our house that night. 

Losing him make me regret many things. I keep on thinking why dont I play with him much, why dont I pat him much, why dont I spend my time with him much, and many more. I once read a quote that went by enough is never a word in front of death. Still, now that he is gone I regret it so much. 

Actually it happened before also. It happened to me several times--regretting not doing enough. It was when my grandma passed away 2 years ago. I knew, I was fully aware that my grandma was old, she was sick, I was aware that someday I would face days where she doesnt exist physically anymore. I love her so much, I share special bond with her as she was the one that took care of me since I was little. One day she was weak so much she couldnt get up from the bed. The family decided to took her to the hospital. She laid in the hospital room for almost a week until she breathed her last breath. She passed away in the hospital around 4 pm, 2 hours before I decided to went home as I had been staying almost awake in the hospital watching over her with my cousin, my aunt, and my uncle. The things I regret the most is I didnt hug her enough. I didnt tell her I love you enough. I didnt accompany her enough. I didnt really listen to her words. But there is nothing I could do now. 

This make me realize that taking someone or something for granted is like a sin. I constantly telling myself to not do it and then I do it again. The close example now is my parents. I tried to plant the idea in my mind but then I would act opposite. I dont want to feel any regret someday but I cant help it. I guess I'm just a human being that has flaws all over.

Gosh, tears pouring down my eyes as I write this.




Disclaimer: I don't own the pics. Credit to the owners.

What La La Land Movie Implied

Have you watched La La Land Movie??????
It's so gooooooooddd for real.

It's been a while since I watched it actually but I just want to share it here in my blog. Cause the goodnees (?) I got from the movie is lasting longer than I predicted. The movie left a special impression in meeeee. It's one of the musical film that i loveeee <3

You can see the poster above. Just by looking at the poster making me feel somewhat dreamy. I dont know why though it's just happened that way. And the title also takes part, I mean doesnt it make you feel dreamy when you read the title? Like it's La La Land. The alliteration tho.

The movie itself tells a story about a woman, Mia, an aspiring actress. She wants to be an actress and works part time as a barista in coffee shop located inside the gate in one of the major Hollywood studio. She occasionally met Sebastian, who just like her, is in search of a way to make the dreams come true. Sebastian is an struggling jazz pianist. He wants to open a jazz cafe. They eventually get close and build a relationship together. They support each other dreams. However things gone wrong and they work hard to make it right. 

Seriously please watch it. The movie is so underrated it deserve more recognition. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stones duo is just kewl. They dance and sing in the movie and i dont know how to describe it so please watch. They never disappoint me. It's highly recommended:))))

The moral values are wrapped neatly along with the story line. I dare say that it is the exact portrait of real life. Frankly, i got reality check the moment i finished watching this movie. It portrays what most of common and ordinary people experiencing in real life. We struggle to survive in this life to make our dreams come true. Life is like a roller coaster, and it's super true. 

The movie shows that in order to reach your dream, you have to work extra hard. Blood, sweat, and tears are not enough. And holding on to your dream is even harder. You might have fantasies that you will successfully achieve your dreams, yes it will happen of course, but only if you holding on to it and believe in yourself while push yourself till the limit. This movie shows us what kind of way will we face in achieving our dreams. "It's gonna be a long, complicated way, but it's definitely worth it" I feel like if the movie were a person, that's what it will say. 

Also, it's not always happy ending in real life. Sadly, the ending of the movie is not a happy ending for Mia and Sebastian's relationship, but they indeed get to achieve their dreams. Sacrifices is a sure thing when you want get your dreams. In this case, Mia and Seb sacrifice their relationship. It's sad for me as I cheer for their relationship to lead to a happy life but it turned out differently:((((

You will have to choose many things and sacrifice anything along the way. Many people will come and go through your life. But those who stay with you are priceless. Be grateful for having them. 

All in all, this movie makes me got a reality check. I know all along that life is not always beautiful. That it's gonna be a difficult way to get through but it's good to know that if you believe in your dreams, believe in your self, keep working hard, and never give up, everything that you've ever dream of will come true is good. It's good to know that I am not the only one having hard times. We all are. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this journey because everyone is struggling as well.

This is a song Mia sings in her audition that make her actress. Seriously the lyrics is really awesome, it soothes my soul and touches my heart every time I listen to it. It energizes me, it makes me believe in my dream all over again. and I'm not kidding.

The Fools Who Dream (Lyrics)

My aunt used to live in Paris 

I remember, she used to come home and tell us these stories about being abroad 

And I remember she told us that she jumped into the river once, barefoot

She smiled

Leapt, without looking

And tumbled into the Seine

The water was freezing

She spent a month sneezing

But said she would do it again

Here's to the ones who dream

Foolish as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that ache

Here's to the mess we make

She captured a feeling

Sky with no ceiling

The sunset inside a frame

She lived in her liquor

And died with a flicker

I'll always remember the flame

Here's to the ones who dream

Foolish as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that ache

Here's to the mess we make

She told me

"A bit of madness is key

To give us new colors to see

Who knows where it will lead us?

And that's why they need us"

So bring on the rebels

The ripples from pebbles

The painters, and poets, and plays

And here's to the fools who dream

Crazy as they may seem

Here's to the hearts that break

Here's to the mess we make

I trace it all back to then

Her, and the snow, and the Seine

Smiling through it

She said she'd do it again

Video credit to the owner.

Tugas 3 Penerjemahan Berbantuan Komputer

Meghan Markle Ties the Knot -- But Not With Prince Harry

Britain's Prince Harry's fiancee US actress Meghan Markle attends an event with the prince hosted by social enterprise Stemettes to celebrate International Women's Day at Millennium Point in Birmingham on March 8, 2018. (AFP/Ian Vogler)

A little less than a month before her royal wedding to Britain's Prince Harry, Meghan Markle has said "I do" -- on television.

Markle fans who can't wait until the actress walks down the aisle next month can tune into the seventh season finale of the legal drama "Suits" -- which sees Markle's character Rachel tie the knot with Mike, played by Patrick J. Adams.

"I wanted to marry you from the second I met you," Mike says in a preview of the episode, to air Wednesday.

"You are the husband I've always wanted," Rachel says, marking a happy ending for the two actors leaving the series.

"We know there's another wedding on the horizon for Ms. Markle but just seeing her here in all of her bridal resplendence is a fairytale come true," said the network USA, which airs the series, on its website.

The characters Mike and Rachel had already tried getting married in a previous season -- but police arrested the former and thwarted the nuptial plans. 

Shortly after announcing her engagement to Prince Harry, the future Duchess, 36, said she would leaving acting to focus on humanitarian work.

Her final appearance on "Suits" -- in which she has starred since 2011 -- will be a dress rehearsal of sorts for her big day on May 19, when she will marry Prince Harry in a chapel inside Windsor Castle before 600 invited guests.

Another 2,640 people will be welcomed onto the castle grounds.

American, mixed-race and "fiercely independent," Markle is widely seen as a breath of fresh air for Britain's royal family.

"I was born and raised in Los Angeles, a California girl who lives by the ethos that most things can be cured with either yoga, the beach, or a few avocados," she once wrote. 

She will be the second American to join the British monarchy after socialite Wallis Simpson -- who married King Edward VIII after he abdicated, and like Markle had once divorced prior to marrying royalty.

P.S: The idiomatic expressions are in bold

Source: http://www.thejakartapost.com/life/2018/04/25/meghan-markle-ties-the-knot----but-not-with-prince-harry.html

Translated by Google Translate

Meghan Markle Mengikat Simpul -- Tapi Tidak Dengan Pangeran Harry

Pangeran Inggris Harry, aktris AS, Meghan Markle menghadiri acara dengan pangeran yang diselenggarakan oleh perusahaan sosial Stemettes untuk merayakan Hari Perempuan Internasional di Millennium Point di Birmingham pada 8 Maret 2018. (AFP / Ian Vogler)

Sedikit kurang dari sebulan sebelum pernikahan kerajaannya dengan Pangeran Harry di Inggris, Meghan Markle mengatakan "saya lakukan" - di televisi.

Penggemar Markle yang tidak bisa menunggu sampai aktris berjalan di lorong bulan depan dapat menyetel ke akhir musim ketujuh dari drama hukum "Suits" - yang melihat karakter Markle Rachel mengikat simpul dengan Mike, dimainkan oleh Patrick J. Adams.

"Aku ingin menikah denganmu sejak aku bertemu denganmu," kata Mike dalam preview episode itu, untuk ditayangkan Rabu.

"Kamu adalah suami yang selalu kuinginkan," kata Rachel, menandai akhir yang bahagia bagi dua aktor yang meninggalkan serial itu.

"Kami tahu ada pernikahan lain di cakrawala untuk Ms Markle tetapi hanya melihat dia di sini di semua kemegahan pengantinnya adalah dongeng yang menjadi kenyataan," kata jaringan USA, yang mengudarakan seri, di situs webnya.

Karakter Mike dan Rachel sudah mencoba menikah pada musim sebelumnya - tetapi polisi menangkap mantan dan menggagalkan rencana pernikahan.

Tak lama setelah mengumumkan pertunangannya dengan Pangeran Harry, Duchess masa depan, 36, mengatakan dia akan meninggalkan akting untuk fokus pada pekerjaan kemanusiaan.

Penampilan terakhirnya di "Suits" - di mana ia telah membintangi sejak 2011 - akan menjadi semacam gladi resik untuk hari besarnya pada 19 Mei, ketika ia akan menikahi Pangeran Harry di sebuah kapel di dalam Istana Windsor sebelum 600 tamu undangan.

Lain 2.640 orang akan disambut ke pekarangan benteng.

Amerika, ras campuran dan "sangat independen," Markle secara luas dilihat sebagai angin segar bagi keluarga kerajaan Inggris.

"Saya lahir dan dibesarkan di Los Angeles, seorang gadis California yang hidup dengan etos bahwa kebanyakan hal dapat disembuhkan dengan yoga, pantai, atau beberapa alpukat," tulisnya sekali.

Dia akan menjadi orang Amerika kedua yang bergabung dengan monarki Inggris setelah sosialis Wallis Simpson - yang menikah dengan Raja Edward VIII setelah dia turun tahta, dan seperti Markle pernah bercerai sebelum menikahi bangsawan.

Translated Manually by Rahmaluttifah

Megan Markle Menikah – Namun Bukan Dengan Pangeran Harry

Megan Markle, seorang aktris Amerika yang juga merupakan tunangan dari pangeran Inggries, Harry, menghadiri sebuah acara untuk merayakan Hari Perempuan Internasional yang diadakan oleh perusahaan Sosial Stemettes di Millenium Poin, Birmingham pada 8 Maret 2018 bersama Pangeran Harry. (AFP/Ian Vogler)

Kurang dari sebulan menuju pernikahannya dengan Pangeran Harry, Megan Markle sudah mengikrarkan “janji sucinya” – di televisi.

Para penggemar Markle yang tidak bisa menunggu momen sang aktris berjalan di altar bulan depan dapan menyaksikan musim akhir dari drama “Suits” – dimana karakter dari Markle menikah dengan Mike yang diperankan oleh Patrick J. Adams.

“Aku ingin menikahimu sejak pertama kali aku bertemu dengan mu,” Ucap Mike pada cuplikan dari episode tersebut yang akan ditayangkan pada Rabu.

“Kau adalah seorang suami yang selalu aku idamkan,” Jawab Rachel sebagai tanda bahwa aka nada akhir bahagia pada akhir drama tersebut.

“Kami tahu ada pernikahan lain untuk Nona Markle namun melihatnya dalam balutan gaun pernikahan seperti dongeng yang menjadi kenyataan,” ucap USA network yang menayangkan drama itu di website mereka.

Karakter Mike dan Rachel sudah mencoba untuk menikah di musim sebelumnya – namun polisi menangkap mereka dan menggagalkan upacara pernikahannya.

Setelah mengumumkan pertunangannya dengan Pangeran Harry, Markle yang akan menjadi Putri, 36, pun berkata bahwa Ia akan meninggalkan dunia akting untuk focus pada aktifitas kemanusiaan.

Penampilah terakhirnya di “Suits” – yang mana telah menampilkannya sejak 2011 – akan menjadi pelatihannya untuk menggunakan gaun utnuk hari besarnya pada 19 Mei, ketika Ia akan menikah dengan Pangeran Harry di sebuah gereja didalam Windsor Castle dihadapan 600 tamu undangan.

Sebanyak 2,640 orang akan berada di halaman kerajaan.

Seorang Amerika, berras campuran dan “seorang mandiri yang kuat,” Markle dianggap sebagai seorang baru yang menyegarkan untuk keluarga kerajaan Inggris.

“Aku dilahirkan di Los Angeles, seorang gadis Kalifornia yang hidup berdasarkan kepercayaan bahwa segala hal dapat disembuhkan dengan beryoga, pantai, atau sedikit alpukat,” akunya.

Ia akan menjadi orang Amerika kedua yang bergabung dengan kerajaan Inggris setelah bangsawan Walis Simpson – yang menikah dengan Raja Edward VIII setelah beliau turun takhta, dan sama seperti Markle yang pernah bercerai sebelum menikah dengan anggota kerajaan.

RahmaLuttifah
18614784
4SA01

People Fall In Love In Mysterious Ways

People fall in love in mysterious way
Maybe just the touch of a hand

Love,

Love is something that is never a boring thing to be talked about

Until lately, I've been listening to people's (around me) love story. Some heart-warming, and some heart-breaking. I, myself, never really understand love. So, when my friends told me their love stories, most of the time, I will listen and sometimes give my opinions (if they asked). Having no clue what exactly love is, I still have the audacity to give them my opinion. Dear friends, please excuse me if sometimes my opinion just sounded nonsense:)

When I say I don't have a clue what love is, I mean it. I have no experience relating love at all. I don't think I have any experience being loved by someone:p unless my parents of course. I believe that they are the only one that have the biggest and the greatest love for me. I love you too ma, yah:)))))))

Being a 20-ish year old girl I could not resist to seek for love. They say that everything will happen in the right time, in the right place, and with the right people. They say that the right person will come eventually and all you have to do is just to wait. I mean, if everyone is told to wait, how will they meet? Yeah of course we have work for it as well. I am really curious of how two people can fall in love and then build a relationship and the the relationship succeed, I mean how in the world it happens? If you have the same curiousness as me, maybe this can help answer that:)

How people fall in love?

I actually read some articles about this and just want to compiled it here so there you go

First of all, the reason people fall in love is because the human nature of pair bonding. So, from what I have read, human naturally seek for pair bonding because it is their nature.

Everyone must have heard a saying that goes by "You have to love yourself first before someone else loves you" at least once in their lives. And apparently, it's true. The saying is true. Therefore, the most important thing to do is to love yourself first. You must have the kind of love that you give within yourself. Because when you seek for love from others, you will project love from your within if you love yourself and thus you will not come across as 'needy' person. You surely don't want to come across as needy, do you?

That was the most important thing to fall in love. There are still more left. Readiness also contributes, you will only find love when you are ready. Because the more you want to be in a relationship when, in fact, you are not ready for it yet, then the more self-esteem you will have. Similarity also has role when it comes to falling in love. They said that we will most likely fall in love with someone that share common traits, characteristics to us. Moreover, familiarity also could lead us to fall in love. The more familiar you are with the the higher chance you can fall in love with them. An then the list goes on and on and on. It's one-never-ending list.


So, id you want to be love, yoi first have to love your own self first. SELF LOVE IS THE KEY EVERYONE!!!